Advisory* This post contains personal stories and reflections on the topic of suicide. Some content may be triggering or upsetting for some readers. If you are feeling suicidal or in crisis, please reach out to someone who can help. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or chat online at 988lifeline.org. You are not alone.
According to the National Veteran Suicide Prevention Annual Report for 2022, in the year 2020 there were 6,146 Veteran suicides, which averages to 16.8 veterans dying by suicide every day. Additionally, in the two decades between 2001 and 2020, the prevalence of mental health or substance use disorder (SUD) among participants using Veterans Health Administration (VHA) rose from 27.9% to 41.9%.
Surviving Suicide
It has been nearly twenty years since surviving my suicide attempt after serving my time in the military. As a veteran and as a survivor, I wish to tell a bit of my personal story to let others know that there is hope. Every day we learn about how many people are taking their own lives because they may feel that there is no hope or help or they may be suffering from trauma and addiction. It takes those who have experienced suicidal ideation to truly understand the mindset of someone who considers suicide as a solution to all of their problems. For those who are fortunate enough to live full and healthy lives, you must not lose sympathy for others who may be suffering from mental health issues for we never know the reasoning behind one's anguish. It could be from childhood trauma, war, or drug abuse.
For ten years, after my discharge, I was unaware that I was actually suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that derived from my experiences during the time that I served. Whether it was the culture in which I was brought up, or my own personal denial, I was constantly rejecting the idea that I was reacting to emotional triggers with an irrational rage and showing symptoms of depression and anxiety. I would cope with my emotions in various ways that were not beneficial to my physical or mental health, such as consuming unhealthy amounts of alcohol to dull any emotional pain. I was becoming so self-destructive that I had eventually reached a point where suicide seemed like the only way to resolve every single one of my problems. However, it was not the case for me as I had survived my suicide attempt thus, I was given a second chance at life. Once I recognized that I had an issue with my addiction and how it was negatively impacting my everyday life, I sought help in changing my mindset and, thankfully, I progressively got better.
Throughout my progression, I decided to move to San Diego, California to attend school at the University of California, San Diego where I obtained a BA in Sociology. In doing so, and knowing the complications that stem from diagnosis, I actually learned to have a different sense of pride in myself for achieving goals that I thought would be impossible to obtain under my condition. Coming to learn about my own mental health through education, still having a curiosity for life and people, and perhaps re-evaluating my own faith system helped me to better manage my mental health as I continued living life to its fullest extent, and no longer sought suicide as an option for resolving my mental health issues. Turning to the right people for help allowed me to become stronger for myself and my loved ones.
My Recovery and Transformation
Being knowledgeable about my condition has also helped me to teach my loved ones about how my brain and moods function. Sources like americanaddictioncenters.org, can help loved ones of veterans suffering from PTSD or other mental health issues, better understand what to expect and how they can help. For many veterans, like me, dealing with PTSD at its worst, can create an irrational fear or embarrassment that may make it hard to develop and retain relationships with others. Explaining our condition to people can become an exhausting task, especially knowing that not everyone is as compassionate as they could be towards veterans with mental health issues.
I often express my own compassion to others by recognizing what every one of us has gone through in the last few years alone. Nobody could have predicted that a pandemic, supply chain shortages, and multiple devastating natural disasters could happen within such a short period of time. It was enough to put more than enough stress on us all. Coming from a place where I once thought that all hope was lost, I want to remind everyone that there is still hope for you. If we could all survive the madness of these last few years, we can definitely survive what our futures may bring. It took a lot of mental strength for many of us to get through the dark times of social restriction and smaller support systems. With the recent increase in suicide rates committed by veterans and civilians of all walks of life, I felt that it was time to share my story so as to let others know that there are people who have survived suicide and with the help, compassion and love of others who wished to see me succeed since recovering, I am now standing strong, proud and hopeful on this Veteran's Day, and I do so in memory of my fellow service members who have died by war and suicide.
Part of my personal legacy has been to help others feel and understand that they, too, can survive the hardships of life, even if it is in solitude, and that in that solitude you will find strength in remembering you are actually not alone, especially if you love yourself enough to fight against anything and anyone who may make you believe that you are worthless, useless, or broken. Since we are our own worst critics, like I was towards myself for dealing with things differently than others after having experienced trauma, I can now assertively say that we are also our own biggest cheerleaders, especially after having survived suicide and having worked hard towards the path of hope once again! Most importantly, if you ever consider suicide as a solution, just think about how much you would be hurting yourself in the sense that the world could missing another good-hearted person. The world ALWAYS needs good people, and that is why you will never truly be alone.
My Advice and Resources for Others
For those wanting to learn how they can help a loved one or friend who is a veteran in need of help please visit the following site mentalhealth.va.gov for more links and resources. Or you can remember the following acronym SAVE:
S - Signs of suicidal thinking should be recognized
A - Ask the most important question of all – Are you thinking of killing yourself?
V - Validate the Veteran's experience
E - Encourage treatment and expedite getting help
You can also learn more about public policies that will help you and your loved ones when it comes to the rights of those with mental health issues, including veterans. Stay in contact with your representatives to ensure that they are doing everything that they can to get necessary resources available to veterans, and everyday citizens, in need of help. We often hear US representatives talk about the need to pass policies that will help the millions of US Americans dealing with mental health crises, especially when our nation experiences a mass shooting or terroristic act against the safety of our public spaces, our right to life, and our right to maintain a democracy!
I proudly served my country to fight against ideologies and extremists who dare to destroy what the United States was and shall always be about, and that is by being a diverse nation of people that show compassion, strength, individualism, and community. May you all empower yourselves as free individuals, especially when it comes to managing your own mental health, but also remember how important cohesiveness is to our country and how strong bonds can help others feel that they are not alone. On behalf of the veterans who served, thank you to all US civilians and fellow veterans who work tirelessly every day to help struggling veterans get back on their feet. Stay strong, USA!
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