Personal - Knowing How and When to Give and Receive an Apology

As defined by Harvard Health, an apology is a statement that expresses regret for a mistake or offense and acknowledges the impact of your actions on others. When it comes to apologies, I have had to learn when it is okay to admit fault where it is due. Apologies are not only good for helping maintain healthy relationships, personal integrity, and emotional well-being, but they can also be good in helping to set an example amongst your loved ones and peers. When it comes to apologies, consider how:

• Apologizing can reduce anger, resentment, and hostility in both parties.

• Apologizing can increase trust, empathy, and forgiveness in the relationship.

• Apologizing can enhance your self-esteem, self-respect, and self-compassion.

• Apologizing can prevent further conflicts and misunderstandings.

Apologizing does not often come easy for some, especially since it is a social skill that takes craft and care. Some tips on how to apologize effectively and sincerely can be found in this template from Perfect Apology as a guide. As you prepare to apologize, consider how to:

• Acknowledge the offense and take responsibility for your actions.

• Explain what happened and why it was wrong, without making excuses or blaming others.

• Express remorse and empathy for the person you hurt.

• Offer to make amends and repair the damage you caused.

• Promise to avoid repeating the mistake and to improve your behavior in the future.

For someone who is receiving an apology from someone who genuinely regrets their actions:

• Listen to the apology carefully and try to understand the other person’s perspective.

• Express your feelings and concerns about the offense and how it affected you.

• Evaluate the sincerity and validity of the apology, based on the elements mentioned above.

• Decide whether you are ready and willing to forgive the person and restore the relationship.

• Communicate your decision and expectations clearly and respectfully.
  

Though we still have every right to reject a person's apology, the issue of rejecting an apology or holding a grudge against someone who refuses to apologize, can create drawbacks with our own well-being, such as:

• Prolonging your pain and anger thus preventing you from healing and moving on.

• Damaging your relationship with the person and any others who are involved or affected.

• Harming your physical and mental health, as it can increase your stress, blood pressure, and risk of depression.

• Hindering your personal and professional growth, as it can limit your opportunities, creativity, and productivity.

Overall, the value and power of forgiving is left to us when we consider its impact on our health, and our relationships with others. When we are the ones asking for forgiveness, we must be willing to understand the other person's perspective and be willing to accept the criticisms and consequences of our actions, even if it means that our apologies are rejected by those whom we offend. Getting a complete sense of apologies and forgiveness is nicely summed up in a quote by Mark Twain who once stated:

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”